I can let go. But I still feel that I am not really ready yet. So I will just wait another month or two and try again then. My therapist told me to just be honest with how I am feeling. And I feel like I am not ready to deal with real emotions with another person yet. Its posituve to know yourself well enough to be able to be true to your own feelings and your own values.

The back to back posts about revisiting your original pain source and this post about dating again brought it home for me. I really did think that jumping into the next relationship ended the previous one. The next relationship was simply a repeat of the previous one…same guy…different package.

In almost perfect timing, I was on to the next within weeks or maybe a month after a divorce or break-up. I can honestly answer every question above, with the exception of 3 and 4, with a resounding NOPE! For me, it goes beyond simply dating.


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The questions and answers speak to me about emotional availability, self-love, and what a healthy person may be and what a healthy relationship could be. Many times we chose the same type of people that have hurt us before because we recognize something that we think is good, but it is really bad. I will take my time to really heal and love before getting into a relationship with another unavaliable assclown!

Have to say disagree and agree. The fears are still there….. There is a perverse expression used in the Lonely Hearts Club over here.. I need to fix my heart.

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Yeah, thanks for this Natalie.. Your blog is mainlining medicine to my heart right now. I met Epic Assclown 3 a month after breaking up with Assclown 2.

I let history painfully repeat itself. I want to get there… I really do..

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I want to be open but I realize there is a lot of work to do before I can with an honest and available heart. I know it always comes back to self love.

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I really want to be aware of 6 in the future.. Setting those boundaries, I think, would save me so much grief. I would love to save myself the grief and pain but I feel frozen. Sorry to rant, but it really annoys me. Do what you want, when you want, answer to no one. I agree wholeheartedly with you. Being single is nothing to be ashamed about.

But not this gal. I have a direct and immediate correlation between sex and emotions. For me the void is love not the attention which is why jumping into bed with another man is a terrible solution. My true friends are very empowered to self love and not trying to guide me toward a meaningless shag. And I will sit on that bench until the time is right.

I especially liked this comment: I think wortking on your values is a great idea! We have that expression over here as well — the best way to get over one man is to get under another. LOL, I have to say to some extent it does work for me at least. I genuinely like being single, but sometimes just want a man around for a cuddle and such but without any expectations or attachment.

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The most valuable lesson my ex married EUM taught me was that I can get through the pain and come out on the other side a stronger, better person. I was asking myself recently whether I thought I was ready to consider a relationship again and knew that the answer was no.

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I have to be solid in the love and respect and care I have for myself before I can expect to give it and receive it from someone else. I remain a work in progress. What was so comforting and great about this post was that I was able to see the progess I have made. I can answer yes to all of it. What I liked best was that you emphasized that we do not want to become that which we dislike — another emotionally unavailable person out there hurting others, disappointing or misleading those who have the misfortune of dating us.

I am so much better than I was, but am still focused on me and the work I need to do on myself. Dragging someone else into it right now might be a fun distraction but there is little chance of anything meaningful happening and I would never want to do to someone else what the AC did to me. Dating solely for selfish reasons is not cool or casual or fun — its hurtful and destructive to others. This is a good article, and I am glad that Nat is advising others to be ready before embarking on new relationships. There is nothing worse than being the rebound girl.

Inevitably, when he feels better, you get dumped, only to see him a few months later start a serious and committed relationship with another woman. Though he omitted information, I now see it was partially my fault for not asking until I had fallen in love with him. I learned the hard way you get no good return on this type of emotional investment. You just end up getting used and picking up the pieces. And it turned out ever so much better! Few people imagine that the world owes them material success or advancement, but a surprising number of people actually feel entitled to hotties of the opposite sex.

When their expectations collide with reality, they cling to their fantasies and get angry with the opposite sex for not living up to them. On the female side, there is more pragmatism. More women who choose to pass on the remaining sausage rolls at the Singles Buffet and take up a hobby instead. Yeah your right but look at the way the world is cultivated about the outer beauty it is like the feminist movement, this is not just about opinions and debates.

A movement had to take place for things to change. This entitlment attitude is going to take more than simple comments and debates. People are constantly trying to raise awareness on the matter but many are stuck in those ways, including Natalie. This is another issue Natalie has tried to bring up on previous dating readiness posts.

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This is definately a huge issue with readiness to date. If we are going to be focussed on looks verses values she warns us we are going to be in the danger zone.